This is unbelievable.

My mom just told me that at the clinic where my Aunt Diane is a nurse, they are offering prizes to whichever nurse can get the most people to book another visit. The top prize is a 52 inch plasma screen television.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!$@*%^!#@%(#$&

She said that now when the nurses get a call from someone who has a sore throat, instead of asking them how long they've had it and telling them to try something simple before they come in to see someone, now they just tell them to come in for an appointment no matter what.

This is completely morally reprehensible, next time they tell me to come in I am going to wonder why. Is it so that the nurse can win a prize?

The old battleaxe, my mom, said she might tip off the press, and if she doesn't I definitely will. This is wrong and it should be illegal.

It is really difficult to record things and then listen to your own voice.

Also, I really need to move to Asia, for like a hundred different reasons, most of which will be clear after I am dead.

ode to millie OR silly millie OR a relationship needlessly hilly: millie

So my family got a dog a little over a year ago and it is named Millie. It is a female Teddy Bear and I've never encountered a dog who was more of a bitch in the truest sense of the word.

I say that because it likes everyone in the family except me, and even past the family it is generally a jerk. I've never met a dog like it, one that lives in perpetual xenophobia and won't let anyone pet it. The way I describe it to people is as "a dog bred to sit in a rich bitch's lap."

I would like to think that is a fair description, but I might have had a hand in its disposition. When the family got it I was not pleased. I'm allergic to most animals and emotionally ambivalent to their existence unless they're being raised to feed me. So after we got it and it became established that it lived in fear of me, I actively played a demon in its life. I would chase it and try to catch it, I would take advantage of it being on a leash to force it to let me hold it, I would make noises at it and generally behave in bizarre ways toward it, and I would stare at it and show it my teeth. I didn't give it a fair go really, but now I'm trying to rehabilitate my image and our relationship.

My former fantasies focused and fixated on feeding my foe a fatal fig, but lately looking at the lady lead me to longing for love. (Also, accept an alliterative apology.)

So I've been trying to be less scary, even if the picture above was a forced pose. I think it is starting to warm up to me, it doesn't run into the other room every time I flinch anymore. Haha, once it is stupid enough to let me pet it I'm gonna catch it and eat it.

An Ethics Thought

Whenever I receive emails of the newsletter/weekly variety, I am annoyed. Not necessarily that I decided to receive these emails during some dip in my judgment, but because they are of pretty much no interest to me. One is a weekly email about business ethics entitled "An Ethics Thought."

I saw the man who writes it at an FBLA conference one year because a few of my former associates (read: we attended the same adolescent holding camp) and I attended his session on business ethics that was supposed to be for teachers. The teachers there were absolutely atrocious, they were all scared to participate and their questions regarding ethics were numbingly stupid at times. One inquired about Muslim ethics, because she was raised with Christian values and could not reconcile the prize of virgins for martyrs with business ethics. I felt so bad for the guy I signed up for his weekly ethics email, and I'm proud to say that he is still going strong three or four years later.

Anyway, I never read his ethics thoughts, but every time I get the email I wonder to myself what he might be doing, how he feels about the pursuits he has chosen, and whether or not he has ever prevented anything unethical from happening.

I guess he does sometimes, because the three tenths of a second it takes me to read the subject of his ethics thought are as often as not time I would usually spend perusing pornography.