Remember what you had. Maybe that will be enough

So I'm experiencing a downturn in my gluten-free living, in the past couple weeks I drank a Spotted Cow, ate a piece of pizza, and had some birthday cake. These transgressions didn't produce any noticeably ill effects, but what has produced an ill effect has been the reduction of my caloric intake.

It would have gone down anyway (I've already lost about 15 pounds), but I've moved from being accustomed to eating less to thinking that I never need to eat. I assumed some sort of sordid satisfaction supposing I could survive sans sufficient sustenance. This was the front I felt I had to put on, because not eating gluten brings endless lament from anyone you tell. "Oh I'm so sorry! All the BEST foods have gluten! You can't eat anything!" My response would be to shrug them off, tell them it isn't bad and that a lot of great food doesn't have gluten. Unfortunately my way of showing that was to abstain from gluten with a vengeance. The vengeance part meaning I just refused all offers of food or any suggestion to go out to eat somewhere. Anyway, that's no way to live, and it doesn't prove anything other than that now I'm sick because I never eat anything.

Ugh sometimes I feel like an infant.

gluten glutton gargle garbage

I am feeling sustained health benefits from gluten abstinence,and its effect on my attitude is curious.

As you probably all know, the person amongst you who proselytizes for their diet is an asshole. Why should they tell you what to eat? You'll eat whatever the fuck you want, it's your body, you'll go out and get an abortion right now if anyone says shit to you.

See? I'm sure you feel that way.

So I want to tell people that they should try not eating gluten, even just for a little bit, because I think it could make them feel better. This is almost impossible to do, and sometimes I feel like gluten is the only thing I ever talk about anymore. These days it's pretty much gluten, dungeons, dragons, trolls, and tunnels in that order.

p.s. I ate at PF Chang's last night, they have a whole GF menu on the back of their regular menu and it made me love Jesus a little bit more.

be not afraid of their words, nor be dismayed at their looks, though they be a rebellious house

When I am listening to a song that I find to be greatly emotionally affecting, especially when I'm in a mood predisposed to somber reflection and daytime drinking, sometimes I can feel my brain tingle and it is like sadness itself has manifested on my lobes.

The Black Keys are one of my favorite bands, even though I've only investigated Rubber Factory thoroughly and Brothers a tiniest bit. On Rubber Factory there is a song called The Lengths and it is starting to creep on my neurological pathways.

I get into strange states of mind every day or two where I feel compelled to make up songs, use funny voices, and have conversations with made-up characters out loud. This usually happens when I am very excited and I am driving a car, and the reactions I receive from people are hilarious and various.

When I start to get edgy, people just don't know how to react, and then they go into one of three states. Some are simply annoyed, because they don't find humor in my songs or they just don't understand why I'm using funny voices and saying strange things. Some people laugh and enjoy the festive atmosphere and break from normalcy, which is refreshing and usually makes me want to abandon the wheel of my car, kiss them on the mouth, then maybe jump out the window as I let the car pile into a stone wall or off a cliff or into a bus full of schoolchildren. And some people get a sense of the feeling from last sentence, and they get very scared. They don't understand what I'm talking about, what songs I'm singing, and why I'm using funny voices. I really don't help these people because their discomfort can have great comedic value, so usually when they try to get me to speak normally I will make up a name and character and talk to them in a voice as that person. I don't understand why more people don't want to be friends with Morton, a lonely spirit that I act as a conduit for now and again. He has some digestive problems and he isn't so sure about how to best put together his sentences, but the people he meets need to give him a chance.

Desires I deliberate daily

1. Apparel appropriate to my anti-urgency attitudes
2. A communication conduit of cold impersonality
3. Absolute authority of alliterative ability

I used to sleep, but then I gave it up

I have a problem with scratching myself in my sleep. Some mornings I wake up with claw marks on my back or in other places, and it can be disconcerting because I don't remember making these marks and I don't usually notice them right away.

Also, I've started feeling strange attachment to my dreams. I had never felt this before, but lately when someone wakes me up from a dream I was being fascinated by I feel irked. It is an irrational feeling, and a feeling that makes one look and feel a fool to explain. But luckily, everyone who reads this blog knows I'm a fool at heart.

The Internet

Before there was television, when people had to read books and listen to the radio, attention spans were a lot longer. The modern insistence to destroy complexity is a double-edged sword. I forgot what I was going to say about this subject

In the hall of the mountain king...

Can't get it out of my head

You would think that people would get scared when they heard things like screams or yells, things that indicate something is going very poorly somewhere close by, but I've found a much more effective way to frighten people is with laughter. Sinister laughter, or just laughter that they don't understand, either way its power is great.

Next time you are looking to disturb someone close to you, physically or otherwise, an unexplained, trickling laugh that grows into something more dark and wild can really do the trick.

On the GF front: Solid crap! I have more energy and feel healthier than ever these days.

you are what you eat. what a treat!

I stopped eating gluten because I think I have Celiac's.

I changed about a week and a half ago, but I drank some whiskey last Friday because I'm a stupid person. It has gluten in it.

I think I'm already starting to feel the effect of not eating it, but I'm not sure if I feel better or not. I might be detoxifying from my lifelong all-gluten diet, or I might be descending further into madness, but I break into sweats at odd times and I get very hot. A few years back I got acupuncture, and the woman who played with my chi said that I was very hot. She was Asian and I let her stick a lot of needles into me, so um, let's call that a diagnosis? Maybe I can finally cool off like I've always dreamed of.

I hope I have a dream tonight where I puke up rocks. Not pebbles and not boulders, but rocks that are just slightly too big to have actually come out of my throat. I want to keep them, but hopefully they evaporate like dreams always do